Another week passes and something has started to concern me slightly... That is the previously everyday and often mundane events, occurrences and activities that have assumed tremendous personal significance. Having a bath. Being alone. Running (oh yes, running again!! more on that later). I have made progress but I still need to sleep for an hour every afternoon.... Or is that just my advanced age?
The week started on Monday as it frequently does. I had to see my family doctor who signed me off for a further 4 weeks, giving "epilepsy" as the reason - the first time that this has actually been written down by a doctor in relation to me. He told me to expect to be off for longer, which is something of a blow to me - I am aching to be back at work - I don't think I'd really realised how much I se my job as defining and validating me as an individual of worth. It's a very good thing that I don't work for a fast moving IT company - wouldn't understand a thing when I eventually returned! In my particular area of the medical devices industry there is a good chance that I will not be too far behind when I do eventually get back
I mentioned silver linings in my last blog and I talk about them all the time now. It is not just idle wordsmithing although I now think silver lining is not always enough in situations like mine - amidst the dark clouds of whirling emotions, black thoughts and worry have been some truly golden linings once again. As a result of seeing the GP I no longer need 24/7 "Nige Watch" - I am obviously growing up a bit and can be left on my own (although with hourly check ins) in the day and Joy of Joys!!! I am allowed to run again!!!!! My amazing L has decided to keep me company and is doing really well as devoted FB followers will know. In 5 runs she has gone from 1 mile with stops to 3.53miles/5.63km. Again, Facebook has revealed at least one person who is delighted that I am able to post updates on #Boreeveryonewithmyrunningstats.com again - she knows who she is! Don't change M.E. - I love your acidic wit.... Other truly wonderful moments have been that we and I have rediscovered a number of friendships - people we don't see all that often who have taken the trouble to contact and visit us and to - once again - offer their very real help and support.
One great side effect has been an "eFriend" becoming real friend - I met my running coach in the flesh after many months of eCoaching. She rides a Ducati (yellow 748...), has competed in off road motorbike sport and is a multi athlete. One email contained the line "hurdles, long jump, triple jump, high jump, hammer, shot and 800m to be tackled. May be a wreck on Sunday". I am sure that she wears her underpants outside her trousers..... Sometimes when you really connect with someone it's very hard to realise that you have only just met. On top of that she is an equine expert which has delighted E no end!
I've had a lot of thinking time - probably too much really - but it has given me a lot of time for reflection. Someone once said that the Internet is an evil designed only to distribute pornography. Well, like any other mass medium, it is open to abuse (there are pornographic mosaics and wall paintings in Pompeii and the Pyramids and most porn is still in magazines when all's said and done) but various forms of digital instant communication have been my lifeline this week The power of email, FB, Skype, text and mobile phone texts to reduce isolation, loneliness and - I freely admit it - terror has been incredible. I have had so much understanding, empathy, remote teasing (eTeasing???) from my many and well loved friends from all over the world, all of which have been enormously energy giving. I also seem to be keeping local florists in business for a third week. I do love flowers. Further highlights of the past seven days have been a rather splendid Jasmine green tea package - thanks guys. I love it and the its senders, every time I have some I get a warm glow because it makes me think of them. Have I mentioned flowers as well? The living room and kitchen would qualify as entrants for "Britain in Bloom"
E's School concert was on Thursday and I was so glad to be able to be there. It was phenomenal - I'm sure that they were never that good when I was in them. All parts were excellent but one truly outstanding alto saxophonist - hard to believe not 18 yet. The orchestra kit drummer upheld the noble tradition of looking at the audience, in fact anywhere other than at the (at one point, frantically gesticulating) conductor...
My monthly Report was SO easy to write!!
I've ordered a bike trailer. No, not one to put it in but one to put shopping etc in and then be towed behind a push bike. I'm really looking forward to using it when it comes - especially at allotment harvesting season. Perhaps I should get a striped shirt and a beret too?? I'm absolutely determined to regain as much independence as possible and may also get a folding bike so that I can commute to and from hotel and office when I'm in the UK - maybe even visit customers!!! I'll run this past Adam, who is visiting on Thursday. My embryonic plans of getting a tandem for school runs were dealt a death knell by a) the cost and b) E's strongly delivered assertion of “over my dead body Dad!". Joking aside though, this is still the toughest aspect of the restrictions and the one that is going to be the hardest to manage.
Emotionally, it's been a real rollercoaster again. The simplest things can provoke extremes from hysterical laughter to - at least twice - uncontrollable sobbing. When that has happened, I don't really know for whom I sob, yell or laugh at - me, "stuff", absent loved ones or just because my brain chemistry and electricity are messed up. All the sources say that this will happen but it doesn't make it easy for me or my immediate family, It's not going to be easy this journey but sharing it via the pornography distribution medium (passim..) makes it a whole heap more bearable. When that fails, I can rely on brilliant sympathy from my dear friend Alan B who has suggested that I take a bath and he comes round with laundry, washing powder and a strobe light to save his washing machine and that if I ever come on the bus I can disguise the event by faking a fit......Etc
We are still devising/reworking songs. In addition to the (still in progress) G&S spoof we now have:-
BoSeizurean Rhapsody
Is this my new life?
Is this my destiny?
Caught by a brainstorm,
Blue lights to A&E
"Open your eyes",
I tried, I tried to seeee
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
Never high, often low,
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to
me, to me
Mama,
I just had a scan,
Put electrodes on my head, pulled a lever
by my bed
and
Once, twice, three times afflicted...
and
I want to ride my bicycle....
The community orchard/green Maypole/May Fayre was - despite the persistent drought which held off for long enough for the dancers to wrap and unwrap the maypole twice - a great success. It was 5 degrees colder than Christmas day (8 C) but that didn't seem to matter at all. I realised yet again that this "thing" of mine has some unforeseen consequences - various chunks of my memory are clearly awry. The example today was that I had a fairly involved conversation with my old primary school teacher (who would be 90+ now) without ever wondering how she could also have been E's primary school teacher 2 years ago. When I realised that I had done this I despaired quite a lot.
On the basis of "careful what you wish for" I am trying very hard not to hope that this is not epilepsy.
And finally. I have enjoyed the company of Blackbirds, Starlings, Dunnocks, Jackdaws and Bluetits on the lawn while I have been sitting in the kitchen but the prize for cheek goes to a very fine Magpie who helps himself to the outside cat's food. At times whilst said cat sits there and lets him get on with it!
Bye for now, hopefully see you all soon.
Love is magic, I am lucky to be the recipient of so much of it.
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